Martha's Mindset: A Look at Her Distress over Lazarus' Death

Rarely do I consider much extra-textual context. Let me qualify: I'm really good at reading, however, sometimes I don't actually stop to think about what it is that I am reading, especially, how characters think and react to situations. Because of some extenuating circumstances, I recently began to think about what must have been going through Martha's head when her brother died and Jesus delayed in coming to help. To get context on what I'm going to write, here is the scripture from John 11.

 ¹Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. ² It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. ³So the sisters sent to him, saying, "Lord, he whom you love is ill."⁴But when Jesus heard it he said, "This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it. ⁵Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. ⁶So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. ⁷Then after this he said to the disciples, "Let us go to Judea again." ⁸The disciples said to him, "Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?" ⁹Jesus answered, "Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world.¹⁰But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him." ¹¹After saying these things, he said to them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him." ¹²The disciples said to him, "Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover." ¹³Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. ¹⁴Then Jesus told them plainly, "Lazarus has died, ¹⁵and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." ¹⁶ So Thomas, called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, "Let us also go, that we may die with him.¹⁷Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. ¹⁸Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two milesoff, ¹⁹and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. ²⁰ So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. ²¹Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. ²²But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you." ²³Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." ²⁴ Martha said to him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." ²⁵Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, ²⁶and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?" ²⁷She said to him, "Yes, Lord; I believe thatyou are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.²⁸When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, "The Teacher is here and is calling for you." ²⁹And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. ³⁰Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. ³¹When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. ³²Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." ³³When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. ³⁴And he said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." ³⁵ Jesus wept. ³⁶So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" ³⁷But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?"³⁸Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. 

What must Martha have been thinking? What must have been flying through her head? With some creative liberties taken, I think it was something like this:


"Lazarus is dead! He's been dead for three days. What are you thinking Jesus? What are you going to do? You're too late? Why weren't you here? You should have been here! You should have stopped it! You should have done SOMETHING!! ANYTHING! You shouldn't have waited!! I know you can heal, but You didn't! And I don't know why! It doesn't make any sense! It seems so stupid! It's causing me so much pain! It's causing me so much pain that I can barely see straight, that I can't move, can't breathe, can't live. I know you can heal, because I've seen it, but I don't know why you waited! Why you didn't heal him. And now it's too late! It's just too late for even You to do anything! HE IS DEAD!!! DON'T YOU GET IT?! Why do you want to go see where he was buried? HE'S DEAD!!!! Do you really want to hurt us again? That's all this will do! That's all this will do! You've missed Your chance Jesus. I don't know how to believe anymore. I don't know how to trust, how to have faith. There is no hope because He's dead! Do you not believe what I'm telling you? LAZERUS IS DEAD!! GONE! NO MORE! NO SPIRIT! NO SOUL! NO MORE LIFE! Gone. Gone. Gone. There is no coming back. All the chances are over. All the time has been spent. But I trust you, and here's the problem! I'M HAVING TROUBLE HERE!! This just doesn't make sense! Because His death can't be your will! It just can't be! It isn't! And so I'm lost! I NEED SOME HELP!! BECUASE THIS JUST ISN'T ADDING UP! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! IT DOESN'T FIT YOU! It doesn't fit you at all! And now, after all of this, You're asking me to trust you and take You to where he's buried! (You haven't forgotten that he's Dead right?) I don't get it! Absolutely no good can come from this! You can't heal him because he's Dead!! That's the point! Dead people can't get better because they're dead! And I'm definitely not going to be comforted by visiting and there is no way You can convince me that this was Your plan. So I'm kind of at a cross roads. Either You're not God, or he's not dead. And I know he's dead. He's been dead. So that kind of only leaves me with one option and I don't know what to do with it! I don't know what to do!! Because certainly it can't be true. I believe too much to believe that you're not God. And so I'm so lost!! I don't know what to do other than mourn. But that's not living!


So I'm just going to throw up my hands and move, whatever! Do what you say. Because everything else makes less sense than this. I have no idea what's about to happen. I cannot comprehend anything even remotely good coming from this. There is just no way. But I don't have a lot of options anymore, so whatever! It will probably get worse, but I'm so callous it doesn't matter anymore. So here we go. This is my irrational, illogical, stupid, frustrated and angry, weary and fragile, callous and cold attempt at faith. Even though nothing is going to happen. Nothing can happen. Because he's dead!!

What is that?

What did you say?

He's alive?

Oh.

Yes.

Of course..."