I'm stuck in the middle of this thing I do not understand. I feel that God has called and is calling me to serve others. I desire to give myself completely to other people in service, to do anything for them. I Corinthians 10:24 says "Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor." I feel this is the desire God has given me overwhelmingly. But as I seek to serve, I find myself questioning whether my service to others can be for His glory, can be His will.
The first problem I encounter is the question of motive. I admit that a lot of the time (specifically early on in high school) I got involved to make myself look good or to have something to do with my time, not so serve in the name of the Most High. So I am constantly checking my motives. The problem is, however, that I am usually unable to discern what my motives are. I have so trained myself to believe my service is for the Lord that I cannot clearly see if I am doing it for selfish reasons. I earnestly desire to serve people so that the the Lord may be glorified, so that they can see the love of the Lord in me, but is it enough if I am not shouting his name from the rooftops?
I think Christianity has to be about relationships. People are never going to understand the love of God if we only talk to them to "save them." So I know it starts with relationships. But when is it that simply building relationships is not enough? When must I begin proclaiming the name of Christ to the directly and concretely? When is it that Christ in and through my actions is no longer sufficient? I can't answer these.
So now to the point: Is Shop with a Bulldawg the will of God? Can it be for His glory?
I have examined my motivations and I know that I desire to make this organization happen so that I can show the overwhelming, relentless love of Yahweh to these kids. I want to show them that they are worth so much to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and He desires more than anything to have an intimate relationship with each one of them. The questions is, however, can I do this in a secular context without mentioning the name of this God?! Granted it is not that I do not wish to proclaim His name, in fact it is quite the opposite. However, I do feel that if the organization is established as a "Christian Organization," this classification will limit its reach and scope. This title will turn those away who need the love of the true God just as much as those who would be willing to be part of a "Christian Organization." So the question is thus: proclaim the name and the love of Christ directly to those who desire to be involved with a "Christian Organization," or demonstrate the name and love of Christ through my actions and my passion with a secular one? My propensity is towards the latter because this method builds relationships first that are based, though unknowingly, on this love and then begs the question, WHY?!?!
I am confused and unsure. But HALLELUJAH the Will of the Lord is perfect and cannot be thwarted.
"I know that You can do all things and that no purposes of Yours can be thwarted." ~ Job 43:2
And so I seek after Him. Seek to be completely guided by the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit alone. Papa if this is not what You desire for me, my life, and my time, then PLEASE SLAM THE DOOR IN MY FACE! Show me what it is you want me doing with what you have blessed me with. I want to life sold out for You in accordance with Your will. For Your Glory Papa!
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