Presence.

I am fighting to be present. And it seems like I'm loosing. There is too much happening to be fully present all the time. And stuff is falling through the cracks. I am obviously still learning.

Specifically, I am learning to be present in the interruptions--because Jesus is there.

Last Friday, I was running in to Bolton to quickly grab lunch before flying off to another meeting. I had maybe 30 minutes (because my class got out early) and was going to try and catch up on some reading. However, on the way in, I ran into a friend who I had class with last semester. We had talked a few times about Jesus and she came to One Hope one Sunday night. At the end of the semester, I gave her a bible with parallel Chinese & English because she had told me it was difficult for her to fully understand what we were saying. I told her to start in John. She promised me she would read it. Then we left for break. And honestly, I didn't think of her again. I know, that's not the thing a Jesus-follower should say, but it's the truth. When we got back to class, I shot her a text to see how her break was going, but she didn't respond, and I didn't have time to realize she didn't respond.

Until I saw her on Friday. We talked a bit as we waited to scan our hands, and one of the first things she said to me before we headed for our food was "Codie, thank you for the Bible you gave me. I have been reading it everyday...well, not everyday." I was shocked. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was. Her eyes were lit up and her heart was full as she told me she had been reading her Bible. Up until that point, my plan had been to say goodbye to her, go get my food, and sit by myself and read for the few minutes I had before my meeting. But in that moment, it all changed. In that moment, I began to realize that I would never have that moment again. So I asked her if I could eat with her and talk about what she had been reading. (Actually I think the words out of my mouth were, "Uh...um...that's great. I mean it's so great! I'm so excited for you...that you...that you have been reading it. It was so good to see you...I'm going to go get some...could I, maybe...what would you think about...can we sit together and talk about what you have been reading?" Eloquent, I know.) So we got our food and finally found a table (it was actually the end of a table with 2 guys sitting at the other end who awkwardly looked and listened in to our whole conversation).

Finally seated, I began to ask her about what she had been reading and what she thought about it. (I am confident that my eloquence level was no better than it was before). She told me how she had been reading what I told her to read: pages 1600-something to a page she couldn't remember. I frantically searched my brain to think about what I had told her to read. John was the only thing I could imagine myself recommending to someone. So I asked if his name sounded familiar, and if she had read a story about a Jewish leader who had come to ask questions to Jesus at night. She did indeed remember that story. So we started talking about Nicodemus and how he asked Jesus what he had to do to be born again. After talking for a while, I knew I had to ask her. "Cindy," I said, "have you ever been born again? Have you ever trusted in Jesus like He tells Nicodemus to?" "YES!" she exclaimed, almost immediately, "I have been born again! And I know God loves me and He is helping me. And I have noticed now back at school that when I think of God and try to focus on His love, somehow, I am better at doing my work, and I have more time to study. And it is just wonderful. God is so good."

I don't exactly remember how I responded. I think I just sat there for a while, staring at her. I didn't know what to say. Finally, I came out of my shock a little bit and just repeated what she had last said: "God is so good. God is so good." Honestly, the rest of the conversation is really blurry. I don't remember exactly what we talked about, other than it was all about Jesus. And it was beautiful. And it wasn't me. Here I was, staring at this young women who I met less than six months ago, had been praying for for part of that time, and she now knows Jesus!! WOW! Is it because of anything I did? Absolutely not. I had one serious conversation with her, invited her to church, and got her a Bible in Chinese. And I was willing to be present. And somehow, in all that, the Holy Spirit of God has moved powerfully in her heart to bring her to life. Wow. Just wow. And now she wants to get lunch every Friday after the class we're in together this semester. I am simply blown away, and so humbled.

And that brings me here, still fighting to be present in everything I do, so that there can be more stories like this on the pages of my life. I am so far from where I need to be here, but I don't want to stop fighting. My presence matters, because God has said it matters. In fact, He has said much about my presence through His presence. And this is what I'm resting in.

I'm not 'I was.' 

I'm not 'I will be.'

I am 'I AM.' 

that's what I call Myself. 

so BE. 

BE present. 

BE here. 

and trust that here is best for now. 

because I AM here now.

and My Presence matters.

and you can't be here later.